Happy Anniversary of your Belly Button, J!

My youngest kid got the short end of the stick today.

His older brother has a family weekend in GA and a 36 hour pass out of Basic.
It's a six hour drive, a hotel visit, and much eating, drinking, and merriment.

I'm committed to going because I am so dang proud of him and cannot wait to see him in his uniform and hug him.

What you don't know is that today is J's 15th birthday and he really wanted me to come to WI to see him and spend the weekend with him for his birthday present.

And on top of already being committed to a trip to GA instead of WI, I couldn't get a card out to him because I had the wrong address, so it came back "undeliverable".

And, since I needed to save for his brother's trip, I wasn't able to get him the gift I really wanted to to get him.

The worst part is that I'm not there to sing "Happy Birthday" and make him a cake and take him out to dinner and treat him...well, treat him like he should be treated on his birthday.

Fifteen years and three days ago, J decided that he didn't want to wait another month to join us. He knew that his older brother's birthday party was coming up and did not want to miss it.

He attempted his escape early on a Thursday morning. The hospital said, "Nope, false alarm, mom, go home and he'll come when he's ready."

I knew that he was ready NOW. (And, man, I was so ready to not be pregnant anymore at that point.)

Mike was unbelievably clingy and I was touched out on Sunday, after two more days of false alarms, and he said, "Momma? Can we do the Tigger Dance?" (Insert big puppy dog eyes and an adorable freckled nose here)

Well, of course we can sweetie.

Over and over and over and over again.

Well, apparently J wanted to come and do the Tigger Dance, as well, because he was born 5 hours later.

I only have one hope for today, I hope that my youngest child, this child of my heart, knows how extremely proud I am of him.

I hope he knows that overcoming a near death experience at 11, learning how to not only live with diabetes, but thrive with diabetes is an inspiration to me every single day.

When I said, "I'm so grateful it's diabetes," it wasn't because I was grateful that my youngest child had a disease, it was because I was grateful that he wasn't going to die--eleven years was not enough time with him.

I hope he knows that every single day, he makes me glad that I was chosen to be his momma.
And anytime he wants to Tigger Dance today, I'm in.

Happy Birthday, J!

long and winding...a love note

“Seize every opportunity along the way, for how sad it would be if the road you chose became the road not taken.” —Robert Brault

This reminds me of the song Bless the Broken Road written by Marcus Hummon, Jeff Hannah, & Bobby Boyd sung by Rascal Flatts

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Now I’m just rolling home
Into my lover’s arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

The quote and the song remind me of you. Now it’s easy to see that every time I stumbled and every time it didn’t “feel right” was because there was a grander plan. There was a road not taken each time. Each decision, each opportunity led me to you.

There is joy and amazement in that knowledge. I had to experience everything the way I experienced it in order to be ready to love you the way you deserve to be loved and to know how I deserve to be loved.

There is serendipity in our lives. It is alive and well and I like it.

You give me joy and beauty every single day.

I think because this feels so good and so right, sometimes it’s hard to accept. Sometimes it feels like I’m not enough, I’m not worthy, and you deserve so much more.

“To feel undeserving of love is to have met love’s only requirement.”
-Robert Brault

Then I remember that, “There are some constants in this world. Water is wet, the sky is blue, and you are poetry.” BW

Thank you for being my poetry, every single day.

>NaCl

Birthday Ritual

How do you wish someone a happy birthday?

What is important to you?

Is it the perfect gift?
Is it time spent with the birthday boy or girl?
Is it a fancy card or just the right wrapping paper?
Is it the cake?

Is it a huge dinner or an elaborate birthday party?

Is it a private celebration?

I think that we all have public birthday rituals--dinner, cake, "happy birthday" being sung like a dirge--tolling another year older, gatherings.

I think that some birthday rituals are private, sometimes almost spiritual experiences.

My personal ritual includes a top-of-the-line pedicure and then I treat myself to breakfast or lunch. I don't do chores, I don't clean unless I want to, and I usually spend part of the day reflecting on how the previous year was and how fantastic this year will be. I'm fond of "odd" birthday years--the years I'm an "odd" year older. My favorite private celebration is handing the reins over to someone that loves me and having them plan an adventure for the two of us.

How do you help celebrate someone else's birthday?

What's important to them?
Are you a part of their public ritual or their private ritual or both?

It's hard, especially if they are important to you.

You want to make sure that they know how much you appreciate them.

You want to make sure that they know how important the day is to you because they are important to you.

You want them to feel loved and taken care of and maybe a little pampered.
You want them to feel as if their private ritual and celebration just flowed into the celebration with you.

You want to celebrate their life--because you are so grateful that you are a part of it.
You want to celebrate the joy that you see them bringing to the world, just by being.

So, no matter how you celebrate your birthday ritual--public or private--it IS all about you today.

And, remember that you are a blessing, you are cherished, and you are loved more than you know.

Happy Birthday!

PS--CAKE!

My faerie tale...

Once upon a time...

(I've always loved stories that start that way.)

A girl was born, grew up, and got married, ten years later she had three beautiful children and a broken home.

She tried to go about her business of moving through the world and tripped on a couple of pieces of it along the way.

One day, the girl and the family of her choosing moved to the land of trees.

The girl was happy.

Same girl going about the same business of moving through the world, went to a bar for a Halloween karaoke party and met a boy going about his business of moving through the world.

He was charming, charasmatic, intelligent, funny, and a magician with knots in a neck.

She was in a happy relationship, in a happy little town, far far away from "home".

He was happily married, in a happy little town, not far from "home" at all.

Months pass. Girl and boy meet and talk at parties and gatherings. They sing, both separately and together. They become friends.

More months pass. Girl hurts boy carelessly. They stop talking.

Girl becomes unsettled in her relationship and dark events occur. She takes her children and moves back north to what was once "home".

More months pass.

Girl continues to go about her business moving through the world. She learns how to stand on her own two feet. She learns how to support herself and her children. She makes new friends and misses her old ones.

She learns to be comfortable in her own skin again.

She learns that "home" isn't a place.

Girl discovers that boy has changed his profile picture. She likes it and decides to try once more to apologize for being flippant with his feelings.

Boy accepts apology and together they form a friendship that is stronger for the bending on both sides.

Girl continues to move through the world on her side of the moon, while boy continues to move through the world on his side.

Every now and then they reconnect through technology both simple & complex, each time

allowing the other to become more dear to them.

Soon, it's time for a visit back to the "home" of her heart.

Boy tells girl to clear a day for him to show her around his town, educate her, enchant her with the place, the lore, and the boy. The love and care he shows the girl and his town is a rarity. She is educated and enchanted.

Then, boy shows girl the dragon and she is lost, the home of her heart cemented permanently.

Girl returns to the north once more.

Girl continues to make her way on her side of the moon, but discovers that things have become flat, dingy, out of focus, black and white. She loses her step a time or two.

Then, girl finds cancer.

Girl questions life, love, happiness.

Girl struggles through it with the help of her daughter and sons.

Girl calls boy. He is worried for her.

Girl schedules surgery. Girl decides before being put under, that she misses the home of her heart and must return.

Girl's children don't share the home of her heart, they must find their own. They give her their blessing as she makes plans to leave.

Girl goes to doctor for the last visit before leaving, all cancer is gone. Girl is blessed.

Girl loads all her hopes, dreams, and her fuzzy slippers into her car and heads south on I65 until she ends up in the land of trees once again.

Girl is happy. She sees everything in sharp focus. The colors are vibrant again. The hills, the trees, the awe of "home" seep into her again.

Technicolor does exist in Oz, Dorothy.

Boy is on vacation. Girl and patience don't get along.

Little by little over the months following the homecoming, girl and boy become really good friends.

He takes her to meet mom, there's poker, karaoke, Tuesday dinner, carwashes, truck stops, adventures, misadventures, silliness, and commraderie.

Holidays are never alone, there's always room at boy's table.

One day, many moons after arriving home, girl realizes she's fallen in love with boy, from the roots of her blonde hair to the tips of her blue toenails, in love.

Slowly, sweetly, he's grown in her heart so that it's almost if she has two hearts, beating in sync.

She is sad.

She realizes that someday she will have to find another boy that will always be second to the boy in her heart and she grieves for what can't be and celebrates what is.

Boy and girl continue to be friends. There are still Tuesday dinners and silliness.

Life gets in the way.

Boy's marriage ends.

Badly.

Boy grieves.

Girl grieves.

Boy grieves some more.

Girl never lets him drown. She cooks, she cleans, she cajoles, she pushes, she bullies, she labors, she jokes.

Girl is there when boy breaks.

She rubs his back, covers him when he's cold, uncovers him when he's not. She holds him when he needs holding and lets him go when he doesn't. She watches crappy reality tv with him. Laughs with him when he's laughing and cries with him when he's crying.

Boy tells girl, I cherish you more than salt.

Girl thinks that is silly.

Boy tells girl the story. Girl falls a little bit deeper into the abyss of boy.

Moons pass.

Boy continues healing.

Boy gives girl kitten. (She'll blame him for that decision in the future.)

Boy and girl and cat find cute little abode together.

Boy and girl make it homey, each placing the title of "home" on wherever the other one is.

Boy and girl stride toward happily ever after, after all, it's not a given, it takes work and there are no glass slippers.

Just the beginning...

"I like..." for June 2010

I like:

Summer in TN when you have to drink the air you breathe just to get from one AC to another.

Fireworks

Impromptu picnics

Children laughing

Caetie's sense of the absurd

J's hat

Mike's fitness plan

When there is enough dinner leftover for lunch the next day

Overtime

Final Fantasy

Silly computer games

Backyard camping trips

Gardens

Taking pictures of beauty in nature and in architecture

Creating new things--poetry, artwork, pictures, songs, entertainment

Seeing time move--in slow motion, in real-time, and sometimes at warp speed

Remembering when my babies were babies

Enjoying that my babies are no longer babies

William Haviland Carrier

Golden French Toast coffee

Flavored creamer

Hot tubs

Love

Happiness

Joy

>NaCl

tattoos

quirkiness

oil paintings

The thought of Paris in the spring

blogs

Robert Brault

hiccups

sneezes

Murray snuggles, even at 5am...

When Barry sings, well, anything...

being surprised

Rice Krispie Treats

my job--getting paid to talk on the phone all day

Having been fortunate enough to see both of my sons graduate in the same week

fresh fruit

feeling comfortable in my skin

Hope

Hope.

It's underrated.
I believe the way I'd like to utilize it is as a verb.

Dictionary.com says this about it:

–verb (used with object)
6. to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
7. to believe, desire, or trust: I hope that my work will be satisfactory.

–verb (used without object)
8. to feel that something desired may happen: We hope for an early spring.
9. Archaic . to place trust; rely (usually fol. by in ).

There are numerous synonyms for hope:

Synonyms: anticipate, aspire, assume, await, be sure of, believe, cherish, contemplate, count on, deem likely, depend on, desire, expect, feel confident, foresee, hang in, have faith, hold, keep fingers crossed, knock on wood, look at sunny side, look forward to, pray, presume, promise oneself, rely, suppose, surmise, suspect, sweat it, sweat it out, sweat, take heart, think to, trust, watch for, wish

And that's not even all of them!

I believe that my life is a reflection of hope.

I got a couple of silly random emails from my daughter today at work. Silly, joyful, and fun emails, not rocket science or deep intellectual conversations (at least not today).

That's how I found the random holiday generator...

It's a rebirth, a new beginning, hopeful.

I love her, never stopped, I'm glad that she never stopped either.
I'm glad that we are talking again and that it's just as random and goofy as it was before.

I'm so proud of her. (I'm proud of all of them, so much so I could burst!)

Gotta run, gotta find some fudge...

>NaCl

Thanks for sticking out this adventure with me.
It's never boring, but I'm glad I have a seatbelt. :)

It's hard to believe that we are finally here from there.

I can't wait to see what's next.

Welcome home, B.

831>NaCl
Always
xoxox

Poopy People

My friend Squeege said that she hates it when people treat her poopy.

I have this habit of having a hard time giving up on someone that I've called a friend, even when they treat me poopy.

I don't know if it's a lesson I must learn that I am just not getting or if it's just me. I can't let go.

I like that my life experiences have shaped me into the person I am today, and that includes the poopy people.

I like that I like walking in the rain and the snow.

I like that I cry when I watch "Pretty Woman", "The Fugitive", and the Olympics.

I like that I love my cat, even when he's crazy and driving me nuts.

I like that I choose to love with all of me, from the roots of my hair to the tips of my blue toenails. (Yes, Mags, they are blue...haven't been pink since that scavenger hunt...thank you!)

I like that even though it hurts sometimes, I won't let that stop me from loving that way.

I like to be kind to others.

I like helping.

I like surprising people with things--little or big, it doesn't matter, it could be cleaning their garage while they are at work or stopping by unexpectedly with flowers for the garden. Or it could be calling you up out of the blue and taking you to lunch or even just letting that car ahead of me into the merge. It could even be as simple as making sure that the garbage is taken out or that there are no dishes in the drainer.

I like that I know who I am and yet I am constantly evolving.

I like that the difference between being loud, rude, and obnoxious and being out-spoken, confident, and silly are all a matter of perspective. And, that the people who get me know the difference.

I like that I've found someone who allows me to be who I am without compromising who they are, and together it makes a pretty spectacular "we".

I like that they feel like they can be who they are and they trust me to protect that and nourish that.

I like being optimistic.

I like focusing on the positive rather than the negative.

I like conversations that ramble and have you talking over each other to get a word in edgewise.

I like conversations where I just listen and never say a word.

I like making the choice to live with no regret.

I like it when a friend teaches me how to treat them, good or bad. I don't like hurting others, I try not to do it on purpose. When a friend lets me know that they value me enough to allow me to know that I'm hurting them or treating them in a way that they don't like and likewise when I make them feel good and treasured. I like knowing that my friendship and our relationship is valuable, important enough to work through being human with one another.

So, I guess that I kind of, in a weird way, like poopy people.

They remind me of how I deserve to be treated.
They remind me that I have good people in my life.
They show me how not to act.

They are a good lesson for a lovely Thursday in February.

>NaCl

Love letter to my Valentine...

February 14, 2010

Dear Valentine,

So, I figure that anyone can buy jewelry, diamonds, trinkets, chocolates, or the whatnot for their Valentine, but it takes a special Valentine to buy you just the "right" things.

Pink roses, pink butterfly socks, a cute stuffed Barry...I mean bear, Twix (my favorite) & Butterfinger (your favorite), two different kinds of coffee, and coffee creamer. Plus, we had a great sushi dinner at one of my favorite restaurants.

AND, that was yesterday. I still have surprises in store for today!

I am all kinds of lucky.

It's weird how much I like that the roller-coaster is never quite the same, but it's always exhilarating. I think it's just because we are sharing the ride together.

Things that make me happiest:

You always open the door for me.
You say, "bless you" when I sneeze (most of the time).
You appreciate the little things.
You pay attention to the details.
You know that I love silly socks.
We spend hours talking about everything.
We can have a great time out with our friends, singing karaoke until 2am.
We have the same great time, sometimes even better, sitting at home with a carpet picnic and our favorite tv shows.
We are both excited about the Olympics.
Sometimes all we want is a bowl of our favorite cereal.
Sometimes we just need time apart to appreciate time together.
As fun as something is, it is just not "as" fun as when we are together.
>NaCl--Always. Yes, that is an absolute. How do I know? Because...
"Who's my monkey?"
You know, I think your truck needs a carwash...
PANTS!
I can't wait to see where this roller-coaster takes us in the next 525,600 mintues, but I'm guessing that I'll be next to you, with a big smile, and my hands thrown up into the air.

If you live to be 1,000, you'll never know how much I love you, how much I appreciate you, how much I cherish you.

>NaCl
Always.
xoxox
831

Jabberwocky

JABBERWOCKY
Lewis Carroll
from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"



He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Thought of the day...

We both said, "I really love you," The Shriners loaned us cars We raced up and down the sidewalk twenty thousand million times...

Pearls of Wisdom on a Saturday in February

Remember when you are going through something and you say to yourself, "This will get better." or "I hope this gets better." Don't forget to take stock and look at the now and say to yourself, "Wow, it did get better." Don't forget to enjoy the now, stop waiting for something to happen because it will and when it does, you are strong enough to handle it. Appreciate the little moments.

An oldie but a goodie from our Hallmark friend Maxine, "When you touch bottom, remember it's all in who's bottom you are touching" And a second favorite, "When life hands you lemons, tuck 'em in your bra, can't hurt, might help."

You know that saying, "When God closes one door he opens another." Well, he's a prankster, so they are usually not obvious and sometimes you think, "I can't fit through there," but the lesson is usually not easy, so what makes you think that the door or fitting through the door would be?

When a friend says to you, I NEED this. Do whatever you can to make that happen. Sometimes it's just seeing that someone is willing to make an effort that makes the difference.

When someone asks you what makes you unique, when in doubt, use "I love cheese."

Keurig Coffee Pots are made my little baby angels.

If you are feeling blah and out of sorts, get up and do something really physical. Clean the garage, organize the pantry, clean up the yard, it may seem silly, but it helps to get those muscles moving and helps to clear the cobwebs from your head, too.

"Pearls given with love are more precious than diamonds given for show." Nora Roberts, Megan's Mate

Olive Garden's unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks is sometimes just what you need.

Always try something new. Even if you think you won't like it. Try, you might surprise yourself.

Tell the people that touch your life, impact your life, no matter where they come from--home, work, play--that they matter to you. Life is short and sometimes it ends unexpectedly.

No matter how many times you have said it before, tell the people that matter that you love them, often.

Spread joy and happiness like it's going out of style.

Happy Saturday in February!
I love you!

Randomness for the 1st Wednesday in February

So, what happens when you realize that all your hard work, sweat, blood, tears, fears, through all of it that your dream has been finally realized?

Well, for some this would be it. They would be content to say, I'm done. I've achieved what I set out to achieve and now I have it. Put it to bed, rest, job well done.

I say, find a new dream.

"I like cheese." is my favorite quote of this season of American Idol so far. The best part is that it was in response to Simon asking him to tell him something interesting about himself.

Daniel, who is four, shows his mom a picture in the comic book he's reading of a computer and says, "Mom, see, we can download it." Computer savvy at 4. He'll always find new dreams. He'll never stop. I like that.

Mom posted a picture of her and the kids from this past Sunday. They had a little dinner party for her birthday weekend. It's a great picture.



I get to see them all in 50 days. I'm counting down the days.

I love Tennessee. It's been almost two years and it's just like it was the first day I arrived. Full of wonder, happiness, and that indescribable something that pulls you in and let's you call it home.

Barry. What's there to say. This picture was taken in January of 2008. Two years ago. It's still one of my favorite pictures.



So, we just had one of the worst "cold-weather events" in quite a few years here in TN. The schools are just going back into session tomorrow. They've been closed since Thursday of last week. It amazes me that through the six inches of snow, that turned into six inches of ice, and have taken their own sweet time to melt away that it's only six weeks until spring.

Barry's mom is already talking of beds and moving some bulbs and rearranging the garden for the new planting season.



But there it is again, that feeling of, "Time for a new dream." It won't look the same as it did last year. That's good. I like that it evolves into it's own entity every year.

I can't wait to see what comes.

I am so grateful that today is just another Wednesday in February.

Now, it's 2010, where's my flying car?

02022010

Happy Groundhog Day!

It's been an interesting year.
I'm hoping that 2010 is everything that 2009 was and more.

We are starting it out right. Took a trip to Georgia to play in the snow. Stone Mountain makes a tube run out of 200,000 lbs of snow.

We went to the World of Coke museum, it was a lot of fun. We got to try different Coke products from all over the world. Weird and delightful.

I got to have a fondue dinner on a boat.

Had dinner with my senior prom date and reconnected with being 18 and crazy once more.

Got to see a fabulous concert of Jonathan Coulton, made new concert friends, and ran into Tennessee friends while we were there.

Doubletree Guest Suites were a pleasant surprise, just don't expect ice after midnight. Also, expect them to double charge you then tell you that it's your fault and not credit back any of the NSF's that they caused in the first place.

February is off to a good start. Today is the first Tuesday of the month and I think I might cook for Barry and his mom.

Then we have Mardi Gras at my friend Sharon's house. It is always a pleasure to dine on a meal cooked by Sharon. OMG.

Our friend Rob is turing 40 that weekend, so we are having a bash for him. He's created his own band for the event.

Let's see, my little brother is another year closer to 30 and my mom & dad have an anniversary coming up.

Then it's March. I'm looking forward to March most of all. My darling daughter will be turning Sweet 16 early in the month and at the end of the month Barry & I are driving up to Wisconsin to get J for spring break 2010!

A good time should be had by all.

So, looking forward the going is good. I hope that it's good for you, too.
More soon. It's been too long since I've posted. Maybe I'll start telling stories again.

Like about how we got 6 inches of snow and Tennessee has been closed for the last five days...True Story...

525,600 minutes...

Seasons of Love
Rent

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love? How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love
Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died

It's time now to sing out
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends

Remember the love
(Oh you got to, got to)
Remember the love
(Remember the love)
Seasons of love
(Measure measure you life in love)
Seasons of love
Seasons of love