Just because random facts about Chuck Norris make me smile and shake my head a little...
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
62 comments:
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn just needs to lie the fuck down.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
And my personal non-related favorite: There is no "I" in team. There are two "I's" in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
When you get killed by Chuck Norris you don't go to hell because Chuck thinks the devil is too lenient.
There is no "I" in team, but there is is tennis and winner.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Is it just me, or are we cracking each other up...and pretty much not anyone else? *insert knowing snicker here*
And now, your random fact about kMimi:
kMimi is so cool, she can freeze ice.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Margot is so cool sheep count her.
Yes, we are totally cracking ourselves up.
Where is Nemo and his oh so fine butt? He hasn't been on all week.
And where the hell is Kelly? She knows all sorts of random Chuck Norris facts, she's crazy about the Chuck.
our friends don't love us.
or maybe they don't love Chuck Norris.
better not tell him.
why do i call myself "aunt margot" on your blog? i'm not really your aunt...weird. (speaking of, did you ever notice that the word "weird" is a weird exception to the "i before e" rule? WEIRD!)
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
You know, we are cooler than our friends, anyway.
I don't know, why do you call yourself Aunt Margot? You should call yourself Princess Penelope Bananahammock.
Maybe Chuck Norris already found out and they are dead, that's why they are not online.
first off who cares bout chuck norris and second i aint getting in the middle of this.
hey can i be uncle nemo? (you know what they acll an aunteater? .................... uncle lmfao
It's Princess Consuela Bananahammock, silly. Or Squeegee Bergstrom. I'd prefer that you call me Squeegee Bergstrom, okay?
Chuck Norris does not churn butter. He roundhouse kicks a cow and butter comes out.
I love you!
Is that Ms. Bergstrom or can I call you Squeeg?
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
I love you more than you like six!
Oh, and I call crossbow!
Oh, and I so prefer Penelope over Consuela any day of the week.
Welcome back, Nemo. I cannot call you "Uncle" Nemo ever. I like your butt too much for you to be related to me no matter how far south I move...
Miss you!
Come on, don't incure the wrath of Chuck, Nemo. You know you have a random fact stored away for just this occasion...
You know, like this:
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
OK WAY TOTALLY FREAKED OUT
missed ya last week and i know i will miss you this week. my buttt really misses ya
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
Seriously, Nemo, don't piss off Chuck Norris. He would kick your ass...and we would miss your ass if it got kicked away from us. (However, if he DID kick your ass, we could rub it until it feels better.)
And Squeeg is fine, kMimi.
I call weird axe thingy!
If you play "Stairway to Heaven" backward, you can hear Chuck Norris bangin' your sister.
(Which is really funny to me, because my sister's a total Jesus freak.)
Nemo, I miss you, too. I cannot believe it's Friday tomorrow. This week was weird. (yeah, Squeeg, that word is weird!)
Today we had a snow day. There was no snow, no ice, no rain, and it was about 50 degrees. Can somebody help me with that one?
Oh, I think the rumor is that it is because we were supposed to get an INCH of snow today.
Oh and here's another random Chuck Norris fact...
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At night.
Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.
Now where in the kell is Helly?
Random kMimi fact: Jesus wears a bracelet that says "WWKD?"
Random kMimi fact: Jesus wears a bracelet that says "WWKD?"
Random Margot Fact: The International Peace committee is in talks for a new symbol to represent the group--a baby nubian goat wearing an Auntie Margot hat, drinking Starbucks Peppermint Mocha, while enjoying the machinations of Raoul upon Margot in Tahiti.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse...horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Kelly got her blogments confused. So, this is what she had to say about Chuck:
However, I do know that Outer space only exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
There is no such thing as global warming.
Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris is currently suing ABC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fist.
And my fav, Chuck Norris is the reason WHY Waldo is hiding.
TeeHee.
When Chuck Norris goes to the bathroom he craps out perfect dodecahedrons to prove his precision and accuracy in the art of shit taking.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
EWWWWW!!!
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
ROFLMAO!
Catholics believe that when the Pope speaks, he speaks the Word of God. This is because the Pope is friends with Chuck Norris, and God doesn't fuck with Chuck Norris.
I apologize for the general non-Chuck tone of this post.
Chuck Norris thinks he's too cool for karaoke.
this is his only flaw.
Missed you last night, kMimi.
Here are some of the important lessons from karaoke February 2:
Kelly makes me cry when she sings "Independence Day"
Nemo looks seriously yummy in yellow
I can sing Peter Gabriel
Dale sounds awesome on "The Gambler"
It feels funny to dance in flats
Kelly licking whipped cream off her fingers is a mild turn-on
Harold loves me, but in a purely platonic way not to be confused with his feelings for Cheryl. And it's really funny when he tells you this drunk.
Angel looks pretty in teal
It's not the same without Steve
I don't like it when people I don't know touch me when Kevin's peeing, Nemo's singing, and Dale's not paying attention. Mild Margot Meltdown; film at 11
Kelly looks really pretty in opals
True story - Dale sounds amazing on "Una Paloma Blanca"
Universal Karoake Truth: The drunker you are, the longer the song you will choose to sing. The drunk and tone-deaf have an undeniable capacity to keep trying "American Pie"
Even in sub-zero windchill, I actually enjoy the solitude of a winter walk after a noisy night in a bar. The sound of my footsteps as I walk through the snow-blanketed sleepy town is almost meditative...especially because where I'm headed feels like home.
Who was touching you? I'll be right there...
:)
At first I could not figure out why you were in the bathroom with Kevin and since it is a one person room how Nemo was singing in there and why was Dale running the show from the men's room...
I'm blonde. It's "late" relatively. I'm me.
Chuck Norris only sings karaoke to a room of Chuck Norris look-alikes, who he then roundhouse kicks to death so that there are no witnesses.
the guy was harmless, put his arm around my waist on the dancefloor, but it kinda set my teeth on edge. it wasn't until later that i figured out i freaked because none of the people i know would go to the mat for me were aware. not that i can't take care of myself - i bit the last guy who got a little too friendly - but it just sorta weirded me out.
if only Chuck was there...
love you!
WELL IM GALD I DIDNT grab her cause i wouldnt wanna be that guy
ty for the yellow compliment
and i have to wait another week for my friends again
Okay that was so sweet I just cant stand it!! We love and miss you too Nemo.
I miss Nemo, too. He has an awesome butt.
chuck norris better not be looking at my butt all my girls can but noooooooooooooooooo dudes
Hey, "Name", I'll look at your but any damn time I want!
I can piss into gale force winds.
Yeah "name" what's up with the comments...I bet gay men are your best tippers! They just wanna piece of that edible butt...
Some of my best friends are gay and if they want to look at my butt I think it's fine...oh...wait...I'm gay....maybe it doesn't work the same way...
Chuck Norris likes Nemo's butt and if Chuck Norris likes it, everyone else better, too--even Nemo.
you guys/gals are just hilarious
yes tippingts ok but males checking me out is definetly not a pasttime i enjoy. and i really dont care if hes chuck norris or bruce lee men=no
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
I once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
And I dream of Nemo's butt every night, just because I can.
Geeze, think that make's you special, Chuck?
Well, I dream of Nemo's butt every night, and twice on Tuesday, they're hard on me.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
So take that.
Meh.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Chuck Norris' kids are never late for school, he just roundhouse kicks them there.
Chuck Norris does not need an alarm clock, because Chuck Norris does not need sleep.
Chuck Norris would kill this direct tv installer just for being stupid.
Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick this sore throat right outta me.
Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick my leaking pipe and reroute it more efficiently and in the same movement, get the water department to waive my bill.
To make Wolverine appear even more bad-assed for future generations, Marvel has decided to switch Wolverine's adamantium skeleton with one coated in pure Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't bikini wax, he stares the hair down and it falls out on it's own.
For stubborn ingrown hairs, he roundhouse kicks them.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris does not get sick. He simply opens his eyes and the germs run and hide.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has friends that call him. If they don't he roundhouse kicks their phones so they can't call anyone.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard-rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind everyone once more that Chuck giveth, and, the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite the fact that he was holding a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Read the Hit List in this week's EW, it reads like a Chuck Norris list.
Post a Comment