Quoted

"The quickest way to ruin a relationship with someone is to actually try to have a relationship with them."

A friend has this quote on their blog. At first it made me sad for them and for me. I WANT relationships and I think that includes both friendships and intimate relationships. It also, in my opinion includes familial relationships and the relationship of self.

I want the joys and sorrows and all the in-betweens that go with relationships.

At first I read that quote and figured that something had happened and they were done or tired and didn't want to deal with the drama of relationships. They didn't want all the crap that comes with dealing with relationships. Maybe they were just tired.

Now, all of this could have been answered by asking my friend what the quote meant. I am sure that you are all asking yourselves why didn't I just say, "Hey, what's up with the quote?"

I was going to and then I realized that I had more insight into MYSELF without asking them, for the moment.

I realized that without knowing their thoughts it allowed me to reflect on how it made me feel.

It made me happy and sad for all of the relationships that come and go. We have all had them. Childhood friendships, the relationships of grammar school, high school, college, young adulthood, young parent relationships, they all come and go and ebb and flow in and out of our lives. The family relationships that change and morph and shift as you age, you experience, you grow. The first emotional relationship, sexual relationship, business relationships, community relationships we have all had. How they add to your life and change and shape who you are and who you will become.

Then I realized that the quote doesn't have to be sad, defeated. The quote is actually joyous and full. It says, "The quickest way to ruin a relationship with someone is to actually try to have a relationship with them."

Don't try. In the honorable words of Yoda, "Try? There is no try. Do or do not, there is no try."

That is not to say that relationships don't take work. Just as work you enjoy doing is not difficult to do, so is a relationship. It takes work, but because you enjoy it it is not difficult or hard to do.

That is what I realized about me from the quote.

I want relationships that seem effortless because I enjoy them so much it is not hard to maintain them.

I want relationships that are good for me and when they start to feel like I have to "try" to have them, that is when I should realize that they aren't working, they aren't good for me, or--shock and gasp--maybe I am not good for them.

I hope my friend will tell me what they thought when they put that quote up. I'd like to know.

And they should know that our relationship is easy, fun, and joyous. It's a lot like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Cake Pants meets Cornfield Confessionals meets What About Bob? and I love every moment of it, good, bad, and ugly and can't wait to see what happens next!